My mind feels so clustered. It's kind of hard to explain, but it's almost as I have so many thoughts and feelings happening right now that it's hard to focus on anything. Of course this isn't the greatest time to be feeling this way. With finals coming up in two weeks, not to mention the papers and tests I have due before then, I really need to focus on school and getting good grades. If a genie were to appear my first wish would be to graduate right now. Two more semesters are going to kill me. I'm ready to move out of Bloomington-Normal for good. But no, instead I get to drive back to school today and dread getting up for class tomorrow.
On top of school, I am extremely stressed out about a variety of other things. I'm at that point were curling up and crying sounds like a wonderful idea. I've never had a real headache, but i'm pretty sure if I was able to get them I would have had one for the past few days. My brain literally feels full, if that even makes sense. I wish I could somehow empty it. Erase everything and be able to walk around with a smile on. Unfortunately, I feel hate creeping back into my heart lately. Probably because of all the stress and worry. I need to get back to chasing happiness.
I know that in 17 days I will be able to breathe a sigh of relief. Finals will be over which will hopefully eliminate a good portion of the stress. I will be able to focus my energy on other things, like Christmas and California (31 days..but who's counting).
It's just really heartbreaking how selfish and inconsiderate human beings can be. I know that at times I definitely fit into these categories. But time & time again people never fail to let you down, whether they are strangers, friends, or even family. It's absolutely terrible. Why do we continue to put up with it? Is it because we love them and care about them? Is it because we don't respect ourselves enough to stand up to them? It it because we are too weak?
Who knows...not me,
xoxo Kaila
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