Making Plans

I have so much to talk about that I don't even really know where to start! But here it goes...

My brothers graduation party was two weekends ago and my cousin Erin came into town with her two kids (Lex & Ryan). When I studied in California my sophomore year of college I had stayed with Erin for about a month before moving into the dorm since she only lived about an hour away from my school. I was blessed enough to have family in the area that helped me as much as they did, especially since we didn't have much of a relationship prior to this due to having lived across the country from one another our entire lives. Over the year I was there I was able to create a bond with Erin and her family and I am so thankful for all that they have done for me. So, jumping back to my brothers graduation party weekend, I was lucky enough to be able to spend time with Erin and her kids again. I missed them a lot! They came into town on a Wednesday, and by the time I got home from my internship they were already at my house. I walked in the door and Lex runs up to me and gives me a big hug and exclaims "I haven't seen you since you lived in my room!" It made my day, children are the greatest.

So anyway, especially after seeing my cousins again it got me thinking about how I want to move back to California. I have told people over and over again that I plan on moving back but I hadn't made any plans or looked into anything. I had given myself a tentative moving date of sometime next summer. After really giving it some thought I realized that if I give myself a deadline of next summer it will allow me to be lazy and the time will come and go and more than likely I will still be living in suburban Illinois twelve months from now. I decided if I was going to actually be serious about doing this than I needed to get serious about it now and start really contemplating and exploring the different options and opportunities that will be available to me. (& just to note I am secretly an organizational freak that does better with a set itinerary and schedule, so you can only imagine how my nerves have been lately--literally been seconds from tears [okay, and in tears] due to the anxiety from just thinking about it.) I have talked to numerous friends out in California trying to get a feel for what their plans are for this upcoming year, where they will be living, what they will be doing, etc. Of course all my friends are telling me to come out and that I can crash with them and what not, but I know that I need to have a better plan than just whose couch I am going to crash on the night I arrive.

Surprisingly enough me and my brother were driving somewhere together a day or two after I decided I needed to get serious about my decision and he said "Why don't you just take the car?" (We share a car, but he is going off to college without it) I was kind shocked that he said this, so I kind of just looked at him in an wait, what?!...did you really just say that kind of way. He just responded with "I'm going to college, I don't need it, you didn't have it at college." I was still shocked that not only did he say this but he was the one that brought it up and suggested it without me saying anything. After his approval I knew I just (ha) had to get through my parents, and by parents I mean that I was going to talk to my Dad first since he would be easier before approaching my Mom with the topic. I talked to my Dad the next day & in the end he didn't care if I took the car, he just asked me a few questions on what I planned on doing out there. After getting his stamp of approval I was going to hold off for awhile (because I still do have to finish my internship and take the GRE before I can actually get the wheels officially turning), but of course I couldn't contain myself and I brought it up not even two days later. She was going to be my hardest to defeat, and I know she still will be. She told me I could take it if I could pay car insurance and my loan payments and rent, etc. I think she hopes that it just won't ever happen and I will stay living near here for plenty of years to come. & it's not that I don't want to be near her, it's just that I really want to have this experience and I want it to be when i'm young.

I know I still have a long road ahead of me, not to mention the literal 2,000+ miles to travel down the highway, but I am determined (and nervous and scared and anxious and excited and a little bit terrified) to start this journey that I have decided to pursue. I don't have a date in mind, but I do know that I have to take the GRE and apply to grad schools which would probably be easier to do without the chaos of moving cross country simultaneously. All I do know is that I am planning for much earlier than next summer and if all goes well I will be enjoying the smell of the ocean and the warmth of the sun sooner than I had previously dreamt of.

I have a few rules for myself, such as setting time limits for certain things. But how I look at it is- if a month goes by and I am couch surfing and unemployed and worse comes to worst and I have to drive my broke self 2,000 miles back to my parents house, at least I can say I tried, at least i'll have stories, at least i'll have no regrets. 

& i'm pretty sure that is what life is all about, or so i've heard...

Keep Chasing Your Dreams,
xoxo Kaila

P.S. a little dinner time conversation the night before my cousins left---
Me: "Are you going to miss me?"
Lex: 'No."
Me:  :( "...Well fine then."
Lex: "Only because I know you will be at my house in like a week!"

hahaha, I love her.