Distance in Time.

I believe that people come into our lives for a reason, to teach us a lesson, and sometimes they have to leave in order for us to fully understand why it is that they were there in the first place.
Sometimes they leave when we don't want them to, sometimes we want them to leave, & sometimes we have to force them to leave.
But, there are plenty of times when someone leaves and we want them to come back. & sometimes they do. Sometimes it works out & sometimes it doesn't.
Goodbyes can be sad, painful, tear filled, & yet sometimes they can be freeing.
Everyone has had to say goodbye to someone that they love whether it be because of death, a move, or personal paths that are no longer aligned.
Not all goodbyes are meant to be forever, some are more of a 'see you later'.
I think that the hardest type of goodbye is one that results in you having to give up on someone. Although, I don't like the wording 'give up', because i don't think i could ever fully give up on someone that i love & care about. I will always have hope that they will find happiness and that they will tap into that bright future that awaits them. Instead of using 'give up' I favor the phrase 'letting go'. Sometimes we have to let go. This doesn't mean that we don't love that person anymore, it just means that sometimes we deserve more. We deserve better than how they treat us, we deserve someone who is willing to show us the love that we show them.
Then there are times we say goodbye because we hope that the other person won't accept it, and that they will reach out to us in order to keep us in their lives. Sometimes it is important to step back and see if they will, see if they want us in their life bad enough. When they don't call, sometimes we cry, but sometimes it opens up our eyes even wider. We are able to see more clearly, we are able to move forward knowing that they didn't feel that we were worth fighting for.
This may sound sad and a bit depressing, but sometimes when we've been fighting for them for so long, it's time to see if they would do the same. It's not that we aren't worth it. Sometimes it's that they don't realize we are worth it, and sometimes it just wasn't meant to be.
Whether it be a friend, family member, or lover- goodbyes can be hard.
Then there are the goodbyes that are just temporary. Someone moves, someone goes off to school, someone joins the military. We say goodbye with every intention of seeing them again. We stay in touch even when they are thousands of miles away, we make sure they know that we are here for them even if we can't be there physically. Some relationships will diminish because they are unable to stand the test of time, yet others will be made stronger. The relationships that are made stronger are the ones that you can count on, the ones that will most likely never disappear. Hold those close, because they can be rare.

xoxoKaila

Key Notes.

Last week while still at school I was thinking about how I really want to be able to play Clocks by Coldplay on my keyboard. You may remember this from reading my bucket list. Before heading home Friday night for Easter, I stopped by the library and printed off the first page of sheet music.
I got home later that night, carried up my keyboard from the basement and started playing around on it. After becoming a little discouraged, because I really have no idea how to read sheet music or play the keyboard, I decided to label the music. Which made it much easier, though some may consider it cheating. Baby steps. 

For a little background:
 I got my keyboard for Christmas, sometime during my junior high years. I had never played an instrument, so reading music wasn't something i've ever learned how to do. Instead, I labeled both the keys and the sheet music in order to be able to play some very basic songs. I never really made it past Jingle Bells and Mary Had a Little Lamb. Though I must admit, I can play a pretty good Amazing Grace. Anyway, my keyboard eventually made its way into my closet and then into basement over the years.

So...
when I got the idea that I wanted to play it this past weekend I guess I didn't really think it through thoroughly. When I printed off the sheet music & at the top it read 'Clocks by Coldplay Level 4' that probably should have been a red flag that I was getting too ahead of myself. Instead, I still gave it a shot. At one point Saturday afternoon, my Mom asked me if the keyboard had a place where I could plug in my earphones so only I would be able to hear it....

BUT by Sunday I was getting kind of decent at it. My brother, my mom, and I were sitting in the living room and I had her go on Youtube and play the portion of the song that I had learned to play (mind you, this was only about 2 -3 lines) and then I played it on my keyboard. & in a very surprised tone she told me that I was getting pretty good at it!!

Don't get me wrong, I still have a long way to go (like 98% of the song) but at least I tried! Bucket lists aren't worth having unless you are going to actively pursue the items on it, right?!

Oh, andddd! my tri-lingual goal?! I am all signed up for a summer Spanish course! :)

Make your list happen,

xoxoKaila

flavor of the week.

As of yesterday.... Justin Timberlake is my new main man. He has my heart.

Anyway, you gotta listen if you haven't yet (& if you have then i know you want to listen again),  i love it & so should you :)
JT-Mirrors:

Enjoy!

The lyrics are way cute, and so is he. Literally on repeat over here. Someone take me to his concert please.

...& yes, i envy Jessica Biel.

Dreaming of JT,
xoxoKaila

The Future Is In Your Hands.

I honestly wish I could be optimistic 24.7; though that is nearly impossible for anyone to do.
But lately, I have been thinking about my future a ton. & it's exciting. Like i'm going to be BARELY 22, with a degree. Who wouldn't be excited about that?! Of course it is also stressful, because I have to figure out what I am going to doing with my degree, but heyyyy---at least I'll have one! :)

I've realized that at 21, I have quite a few years of my prime left to experience and explore all that I want. I don't have children yet (I thank the heavens for this daily) and I am able to move, travel, meet new people, etc. Obviously you need money to do those things, but hopefully i'll be able to find a job that allows me to travel-even if i'm pinching pennies.

But anyway, back to this idea of 'the future'. It's weird, because really our 'future' is taking place each and every day. Yes, of course we can think about future in the whole '5 or 10 years from now' sense. but really our future is happening each and every time we wake up in the morning.

You hope to be a better person in the future? be a better person. now. your future is now.

It's like this idea of bucket lists, oh you want to learn another language? You want to own your own car? You want to go see Niagara Falls? You want to learn how to play an instrument? WHATS STOPPING YOU?! Go out there & be proactive.

Yeah, i understand you cannot just go buy a car or drive off to Canada. but YOU CAN. & if you are determined enough YOU WILL.
I don't mean at 9 p.m. tonight. I mean plan it out, & make it happen.
Pick a long weekend, find a friend that wants to see the Falls and won't bail out on you, and start making those plans.
Want you own car? Get a job. Have a job? Put a portion of each paycheck in a specific place (bank account, piggy bank, etc.) until you have enough for a decent down payment.

You can do what you want to do. SO DO IT.


& i guess this post makes my first sentence false. Want to be optimistic 24.7--- you can be!

Now I just need to take my own advice,

xoxoKaila

Listen.

I believe that sometimes children know more about life than adults. It's like when you are young you can think about things in a more logical way, but as you grow your mind becomes tainted with  millions of opinions & politics.
We can learn so much of we just sit back and listen to what children have to say.

xoxo Kaila

Quick Thought

I'm so so soooo excited to see what life has in store for me! :)
Walking in the graduation ceremony in less than two months & officially graduating and being done with my undergrad at the beginning of August! It's crazy to think that barely at the age of 22 i'll have a bachelor's degree and off to see what the rest of the world has to offer.

Not sure where I will end up or what I will do, but i'm sure it will quite the experience!! :)

Just must remember to leave the negative behind, and push forward with the positive.

Much love my little readers,

xoxoKaila

California Lovin'

I cannot believe what great friends I have. I am so spoiled. 

My sixteen days in California was nothing short of amazing. As usual.

 I flew into LAX on December 27th. Two of my friends, Aurora & Ariam, picked me up from the airport (I got in around 8:30 a.m. so bless their hearts for waking up early for me).

 Aurora was driving her new car which was really exciting because when I lived in Cali she didn't have her drivers permit and was just barely starting to drive with her Dad sometimes. After they got me from the airport we went to Aurora's house where I got to meet her adorable baby niece who was just 3 days old! We hung around East Los for the afternoon and got to sit outside in the sunshine :) 

Later that day my friend Mayra came in on the bus from Coachella and Daisy went and picked her up and then came and got me and we went to El Mercadito! I got my first Raspado of the trip there.. yum. 

We then went to Daisy's home in Watts and ended up hanging out there much of the rest of the day. It's always so nice to hang out with my friends. I love them so much and am so happy that Mayra came into town while I was visiting! That night I went to Naby & Mayte's house (which I also claim as my house too--i mean they DO have an extra bedroom that is basically mine ;] ). That night I talked to my friend Ray who lives in Bakersfield and he suggested that I come to Bakersfield the next day (Friday). He was going to come to LA to see me on Saturday, but he thought if I came in on Friday then he wouldn't have to make the drive to LA all alone. When I woke up Friday I looked into the Greyhound bus tickets and decided I was going to go. Of course the website wasn't cooperating, but at the last possible moment it let me purchase a ticket, literally right in the nick of time. I got to the Greyhound bus station (a little later than they recommend--oops) and loaded the bus. I always get nervous right before traveling, whether it be by bus, train, or plane. So I was all worried like-what if I sit by someone really unpleasant? Butttt I saw a girl around my age sitting alone, so I took the seat next to her. It turns out she had been visiting her sister in Palm Springs & was headed back to SEATTLE. That girl is crazyy!! Way too long of a bus ride if you ask me. She told me about her ride down which was a complete disaster with overnight layovers and bad weather, I hope the ride home didn't give her as much trouble. I stayed overnight in Bakersfield on Friday and Ray had to work a half-day on Saturday which gave me plenty of time to sleep & get ready :) 

We headed back to LA around 4 Saturday. Once we were back in the LA area Ray wanted to stop at a mall. He suggested the Northridge mall but we weren't sure if we had already passed the exits. A few seconds later we saw the exit sign for Cal State, Northridge! We took that exit, and I was overcome with emotion. I could not wipe the smile off my face even if my life depended on it. It was so exciting to see all the familiar places and streets as we drove through Northridge, we passed campus and headed towards the mall (which i spent manyyy hours at when i lived in the valley). Once we pulled up to the mall he pulled into the Macy's parking lot and when we got inside he went straight for the watch counter (he's obsessed). I didn't know what he was looking for but he looked in the Guess case and couldn't find what he was looking for. When I asked him what he was doing he said that he saw a watch he wanted to get me but they didn't have it. We walked out of Macy's and he saw a Guess store a few doors down. He insisted we go check it out, once in there he went straight for the watch case again and found the one he had wanted to get me. I'm spoiled.  & i absolutely LOVE my new watch. 

It's amazing isn't it?! love love LOVE it. It was extra special because he had picked it out too. :) & now I can't wait to wear it for Valentine's Day.. it's perfect! 

Alright, well I've only covered my first 2.5 days in California, but I need a break, so the rest will follow soon. 

Stay Tuned, 

xoxoKaila