Involve Yourself

Volunteering is one of the most amazing experiences. Not only is it eye opening, you are also guaranteed to meet some of the nicest people there are.
I have recently joined a non-profit organization, Public Action to Provide Shelter (PADS). PADS is a program that provides the homeless with a warm meal and a place to sleep from October- April each year. There are seven different PADS sites around the county, each one assigned to a different night of the week. So for instance, site #1 provides shelter on Monday nights, site #2-Tuesday nights, and so on. I had read about this program in the spring when they were wrapping up for the season and I kept my eyes open (in the local newspaper) for information this fall when I knew it would be starting back up again. I attended the informational meeting and knew it was definitely something I wanted to be apart of.
There are different shifts and weeks that volunteers sign up for. As a volunteer you work one shift a month, with the shifts being about 5 hours long, give or take. Which if you ask me, giving up 5 hours a month to give someone that doesn't have a home a warm place to sleep is the least I could do. So that is exactly what I did yesterday morning. I worked the morning shift which goes from 2:45am to about 7:30am. When I arrived at 2:45am all of our guests were fast asleep, snoring away. The other volunteers on my shift were an older married couple. As we sat in the hallway outside of the designated sleeping areas we got to talking (or should I say whispering). They asked me where I went to school, what I got my degree in, what I wanted to do, what I was currently doing, etc. You know, the normal questions that everyone asks a newly graduated person. 
The women then got to telling me that they just recently got a new family ministry leader at the church (fyi- all of the PADS sites are churches). She explained that they needed someone to help out with the youth and they would love to have me if I were interested in gaining that type of experience. She also told me that next month she would bring me a social work magazine that she gets in the mail.
Before I go on, I guess I should clarify that I graduated with a degree in Sociology and I want to work in the social services, for you that do not know. 
Then, the pastor showed up at about 5am to help us with 6am wake-up, breakfast, and the closing down of the PADS site for the day. He also asked me the questions I have listed above and then told me to look into the County's Health Department for a job, as he had served on the Board for many years up until last year. He said to use him as a reference and he would be more than willing to write any recommendation for me. This was all within ten minutes of meeting me. How are these people so nice and willing to lend assistance without even being asked? The generosity of some people is amazing.

Now, back to the homeless. First off, being homeless means just that, home-less. It does not necessarily mean these people are begging for change or holding up signs. Some have cars, bicycles, a variety of clothing, etc while others may not. Many people assume that a homeless person is homeless because of their own bad decisions, a drug and/or alcohol addiction, something along those lines. Which i'm sure is very true for many cases. But not all. Some people end up homeless due to bad luck and misfortune, and others have been rejected by the ones that should love them. Just because someone is homeless does not mean they are irresponsible, it does not mean that they are bad people or lazy or that they don't care. For instance, on my shift, one of the guests had an early wake up call request. Why? because she had work.
Some of these people are living out of their car, some without even that. Some may not have a permanent place of residence because they have left an abusive partner or can no longer make the rent payment due to their work hours being cut.
Now, I don't know why exactly each of our guests are there, but I know it could be any one of these reasons. We are often quick to jump to conclusions, but there is far more than what is presented to us visually. Think about how easily it would be for one of us to end up homeless if it wasn't for our families?

--It is important to recognize and count your blessings. Take the time to realize and enjoy them. Write them down. Share them with others. & then, make your actions someone else's blessing.--

As each of us have heard plenty of times before, we take things for granted much too often. By becoming involved in your community and helping out when & where you can, you start to gain a better perspective on not only other people's lives but your own as well. We fall into routine much too easily and forget how easy it is to extend a helping hand.

The best thing you can give someone is your time &if you say you don't have any to spare, stop lying to yourself. Whether it be taking your elderly neighbor's dog for a walk a couple times a week or simply visiting with them over a cup of coffee, you have the power to make a positive impact on other people's lives. Opportunities surround you, all you have to do is open your eyes a little wider and take notice.

xox- k

Back Into My Brain

Blogging crosses my mind all the time, but it doesn't seem to actually happen very often (as you guys can see). There are numerous times throughout the week that I think 'oh, i want to blog about that!' but I am usually at work and by the time I get home I forget where I was going with the idea or I don't feel like dragging out my laptop. & if you have had the pleasure of getting to know my laptop you know that it is soon to celebrate it's fifth birthday, it's a hefty little thing, it can be loud in a quiet room, and it gives third degree burns after 20 minutes of sitting on your lap. Nonetheless, I still appreciate the fact that it continues to turn on (sometimes with a little coaxing) for me after so many years (hey, 5 is practically ancient in laptop years).

So, even with those plausible excuses I vow to do my best to get back into the habit of blogging more. Whenever I do sit down to blog it is really relaxing and I enjoy doing it. It's a cheap kind of therapy for me (shopping only gets me so far with my budget these days).

Today's blog is going to be like my previous blog 'Inside My Head'. If you haven't read it, that blog post contained a variety of little thoughts that I had over the course of a day or two. Again, if you know me, you know the wheels in my head are constantly turning.

Here's another look inside my head,

• Orchids. I also told myself that I would marry the first guy that bought me an orchid, no questions asked. If they showed up with an orchid, I would be down on one knee without a doubt (If you have seen The Perfect Man with Hilary Duff, then you would understand... if not, go watch it). Anyway, after waiting years for some guy to show up on my doorstep with orchid in hand, I decided if I wanted an orchid, I would just have to go get myself an orchid. So about two weeks ago, I drove myself to Home Depot and picked out the prettiest orchid they had. It now sits on my end table in my room looking absolutely perfect.. I love it. Lets be honest, if you wait around for the perfect man to arrive, orchid and all, you'll be waiting around forever, because those don't exist...am i right, ladies?! ;) hahaha, don't worry I still have a tiny bit of hope (thank you, Disney).  Just remember, at the end of the day, the one person you can always count on is yourself. 
• Last names. Okay, I might have written about this one before, I'm not one hundred percent sure. But, there is something about hyphenated last names that just really really really really really gets to me. I just don't get them. I am beyond thankful that I do not have a hyphenated last name because I just wouldn't be able to handle it. If I get married, then I'll change my last name to match my husbands. I understand that I will always be a Kovac, even if my drivers license doesn't say so. I do not need my last name tagged onto my new one with a little - in between. No thank you, not my cup of tea. & I will not hyphenate my children's last name. If you happen to have a hyphenated last name, I hope that you do not take offense to this small rant. Hyphenated names are just not on my to-do list. 
• Speaking of to-do lists... I have been writing to-do lists like none other lately. I write down the smallest things to the biggest things, pointless things to important things, ordinary things to random things. I feel more put to together if I have it written down somewhere that I can refer back to. It also makes me feel way more productive and purposeful. I am able to track the progress that I am making, even if it is the smallest step forward (like putting my shoes away). Plus, who doesn't love scribbling out items on their list as they go about their day? 
• I think I have acquired organizational OCD since I have moved back home from school. I am constantly going through drawers, closets, boxes, clothes, etc. Even when I have cleaned and organized a part of my room a week earlier, I feel like I need to go through it again and reevaluate the situation. I'm not sure when I became such a minimalist but even having one pair of earrings sitting on my dresser makes me uneasy. Who am I? I don't know, but i'm not complaining about this new development. 
• Mail. Snail mail. USPS. You know, the type of mail that is handwritten and sealed in an envelope and put in a mailbox to eventually arrive at it's new destination days later? Everyone loves getting cards or letters in the mail. Well, at least I do. Becoming active again in Soldiers' Angels has made me appreciate mail once again [for those of you who don't know what Soldiers' Angels is, it's an organization that allows people to support our troops by signing up to be penpals, a soldier's 'angel'(penpal & sending care packages), along with a variety of other options. I am currently on the letter writing team-I get one name every Wednesday that I send a card to-, as well as having an ePal -penpal, via e-mails]. I love sending out my weekly card in the mail. I love the idea of the whole mail system. I like how someone writes something on a piece of paper/card, and then it leaves their house and arrives at yours... maybe i'm not explaining it right, but the simplest ideas amaze me the most. Anyway, I have been frequenting the card section in stores lately, and have been picking up cards that are too cute to pass up or remind me of someone in particular. Hopefully it puts a smile on their face when they receive it just as easily as it puts one on mine when I send it. 

More daily thoughts to come soon, sorry for the shorter list this time around, my mind is only allowing me think about how I have a stack of cards I need to send off soon, hahaha... 

xoxo-kaila. 

MIA

I haven't written lately (as you can see). It's not that I haven't thought about it, because trust me- I have. It's just that I haven't really had much to say, or maybe not sure how to say it, nor have I had the energy to lug out my laptop (if you've seen my poor laptop you know what I mean).
It's not that nothing has been going on lately, because a lot has been going on. It's more that I don't really know what to say about my life lately. Don't take this the wrong way and read it as a depressing post, that is not what I am trying to portray. I just have been a little stressed and frazzled that I do not know what to feel or what to do. I feel like I am kind of living in a fog right now. There is a lot of uncertainty. Again, this is not necessarily a completely bad thing. I'm still young, i'm not supposed to know all the answers anyway, right?!
Remember a few posts ago when I was dead set on moving to the west coast? Well, reality hit. I'm living paycheck to paycheck it seems, with no chance to save much money. I am not totally writing California off, but maybe just putting a delay on it. Chasing your dreams is important, but making sure you are being responsible and making smart decisions is also important. I try being very responsible with my money, and I would not feel comfortable moving across country at this time.
As for grad school-- I am kind of in a standstill with this one. When choosing programs to apply to I feel that you have to be specific and know what you want to get into. I still am really uncertain with what I want to do, so I feel like applying for grad schools wouldn't be a smart choice at this point. I don't want to apply to a program that I am not passionate about. I don't want to apply just to apply. I think it would smart of me to get more experience out in the field before choosing whether or not I want to spend the money to further my education in a specific area of study.

Anyway, I apologize for this being a fairly boring post. I hope that I can write something more appealing soon. :)

Until then,
xoxo kaila

The Good.

I have been done with school for a whole week now & this past week has been filled with...well... a lot of people asking me what's next. uhmm... LIKE I KNOW. I haven't even decided what time I am going to bed tonight, okay guys? Lay off. I have a job for now, so trust me I am not sitting around doing nothing all day everyday. I  just can't take constantly hearing 'what are you going to do now?', 'what jobs are you going to be applying to?'... I understand that maybe I should have answers to these questions, but I don't. I'm still working on tying up the loose ends (requesting transcripts, paperwork, etc) so that I will actually be officially graduated with a diploma and all. So if you see me, please refrain from asking me these questions. Now, if you see me 4 months from now and i'm unemployed, sleeping until noon, and looking for change on the sidewalk.... then feel free to ask me what the hell i'm doing. Until then, please don't.

Now that I am at a new stage in my life it is pretty interesting and very, very stressful. I feel that my life is just a bunch of questions with no answers. I try reminding myself that many of my friends are in the same boat, but I really like knowing and being somewhat in control of what is going on. Oh well, I guess I will quickly learn to get over that. 

Anyway... getting to the point of this blog--I am really trying to remind myself of all the positives that have happened thus far in 2013 (with most happening in the past 3 months)... so read on!..

The Good  

-I finished my undergrad years!!! (just to reiterate in case you hadn't gotten that through your head yet...ha)

-I was given the opportunity to intern at a nonprofit social services agency, where I gained even more knowledge on people and communities. 

-My internship was 40 minutes from home, so I was able to become acquainted with a whole new place! I fell in love with the town I interned in. It is in the top 5 biggest cities in Illinois, & has a diverse population, so of course I couldn't help loving it! 

-I've made new friends and met new people. 

-I have the cutest, sweetest dog on the entire planet. She will be the reason I never move out of my parents house. 

-This summer has been a summer of family. I've had cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents come visit from all over the country in the last 3 months. Nothing beats family time. 

-My brother and I are much closer now that he is getting older (he moved to college on Thursday and I want him to come home already, I don't like being the only child). 

-I have learned so much about myself. It's crazy to think that there is still things we don't know about ourselves, but with time we change and we are constantly finding out more about ourselves through the different experiences and situations we encounter. 

-I'm employed. It may not be long term, but I am still grateful and very happy that I do have a good paying job for the time being. 

-I have plenty of wonderful friends. So thankful for these people, whether I see them often or if there are thousands of miles separating us. I could not ask for better people to be in my life. 

-& last but not least, my love life could be a comedians show. This past week has been hysterical, if you've heard the stories then you know, & if not then you are missing out...hahaha.

---which actually reminds me of one more very important 'good'. That good is that I have been able to laugh at myself. Life will never be flawless, but as long as you can brush it off, or even better laugh it off, then you will be perfectly fine. 

There is plenty more goods that have happened to me, but for now this list is more than enough to lift my spirits. 

Now all there is to do is to go create some more goods. 

XoXo,Kaila.

Inside My Head

So, if you know me, you know that I am always thinking & daydreaming about something different. Sometimes it's like my brain jumps from one topic to the next before I even realize it. & did i mention that I am constantly daydreaming?!... Anyway, I've been jotting down some of the things that I have crossed my mind lately & I thought maybe I could put it all together for a different type of blog. So as a warning, this blog post really has no rhyme or reason to it, just a little look into my daily thoughts and daydreams.

Here We Go...

• You know when you hear someone talking about something that they did or are going to do and they are talking about it so casual and nonchalantly but for you it's something that you want to do SO BAD?! &it's not that they know this and are trying to rub it in your face or anything, but like you want to scream because it's not a huge deal to them but to you it would mean the world?! Yeah, that happened to me the other day. A coworker was talking about her upcoming vacation and one of her stops was going to be South Carolina. Her and her family were going to 'see the sea turtles and all that'.... LADY, that's on my bucket list, that should be me!!! Like how unfair is life sometimes?! Someone else is planning to do something that you dream of. I'm sure she will enjoy it, but me, i'd be so happy i'd be in tears! 
• When you're driving and the lanes are merging into one, and you are already in the right lane yet someone is trying to merge in front of you, annoying right? Like hey mister I made sure that I was in the correct lane half a mile back,  I don't understand why you didn't. But then you let them go in front of you (because honestly what else are you going to do, run them into one of those bright orange road blocks?). As they merge in front of you they wave a very pleasant thank you and it makes it all okay. Actually, it makes me feel like a bitch for being so moody to myself about it in the first place and makes me think twice about what we get frustrated for. 
• To continue with the driving and frustration topic, say you are driving down your street and someone pulls out of their driveway in front of you causing you to have to slow down or stop. If this person was someone you didn't know or didn't like you'd be pissed right?! But if it's a neighbor that you get a long with you slow down/stop with a smile on your face and not a bad thought in your mind. Kind of crazy how more than not we would actually like and get along with the strangers that aggravate us by doing the smallest of things that would not annoy us if we only knew them. Something to think about. 
• There are so many pregnant women in the world right now. So many. SO MANY! All you have to do is go to the closest public place and you will see them. On that note, pregnant people are one of the cutest things in the world. Just adorable. 
• I'm pretty sure in order to be a middle aged women you have to do 3 things--1. Know about/be able to identify all different kinds of plants, 2. Watch HGTV, and 3. complain about how horrible hot flashes are. Now I'm not middle aged, but I do love HGTV. It's all I watch lately. It gets me really excited to go house hunting/make house renovations in the future. But first I should probably worry about making enough money to be able to move out of my parents house... One can dream. 
• Ladies, ever scared to set your purse down in a dressing room/bathroom in fear that someone is going to reach under your door and steal it?! I think of this all the time. Like for instance, you go into a bathroom and have no where to hang your purse and you know that the rest of the bathroom is empty but you are still scared that someone is silently perched up on a toilet just ready to make their move?! Runs through my mind every time. 
• Lately I've been thinking about how I better just never be proposed to. If you know me, you know how I have daydreamed about the perfect proposals. If the guy that is proposing to me doesn't put a lot of thought into it and make it adorably special then it's adios muchacho. & i'm pretty certain that most guys won't have the desire to be creative enough for what my daydreams have prepared me for. 
• Letters. We all love getting things in the mail & what's better than a unexpected handwritten letter from a friend?! We should all start writing letters more, they are so much better than a message sent via technology. & plus, you are surely making that persons day when they open up their mailbox!
• How does anyone move to a new place? The more and more I try to get myself prepared and thinking about moving the more and more it seems impossible. Someone help me. 
• Rainy days are the best kinds of days when you are stuck in an office. I understand it's summer, but Monday-Wednesday has my permission to rain while i'm at work. 
• I think that I should be a pro singer by now. For the amount of time I spend in a car each day (1.5 hours) I should have signed a record deal by now. I mean I spend my car rides with the music up trying to match the pitch of the artist that I am listening to, each song is like a mini voice lesson between the artist and myself. (I must admit, no matter how hard I try I will never be able to match Justin Timberlakes voice.)
• What I would do to be able to live a dogs life for a day. 
• I wonder what i'll be doing a year from now. It's crazy to think that this time of my life is the time when the most changes will be happening over a short period of time. During the college years you know that you will be in school from August-May, yes you experience a lot and grew over those four years but I feel like more serious changes occur within the couple years following graduation. 
• I dream a ton. Most of the time my dreams are really real scenarios. I often wake up trying to figure out what actually happened and what didn't. I love dreaming, it's great. The weirdest is when you are dreaming & you are conscious that it is a dream yet you make yourself stay in that state of mind because you are enjoying the dream. Maybe that just happens to me, but i'm going to guess that it is pretty common. 

Alright, well that is all for now, unfortunately I have Spanish homework that has been calling me llamo. 

Adios mis amigos, besos-

Kaila

A Different World

Last week I experienced a very unanticipated culture shock. It was unlike any culture shock experience I have ever had before. I was sitting in a room amongst a group of very wealthy individuals. When I say very I mean VERY. Now i'm sure this isn't my first time being around wealthy people, but it was the first experience I've had with the rich that really caught me off guard. Maybe it was because this time I was the only one in the room that didn't quite fit in.

As a part of my internship the CEO wanted me to attend a board meeting. Not really knowing what to expect I walked into the conference room and there was only 3 or 4 people there so far. As more people started filing in it was apparent through the clothes that they were wearing that they were pretty important people at their jobs, wherever & whatever those happened to be. Before the meeting started the members were conversing with each other, just making small talk & that was when I realized I had entered a whole new world. Here is the conversation I overheard--

Woman 1: My husband has two weeks off coming up so we are going to go vacation somewhere.
Woman 2: Oh nice! Where are you guys thinking about going?
Woman 1: We haven't picked a place yet. He was on the computer the other day and I asked him where he was looking at but he just said he was looking around, really didn't know where to go yet.
Woman 2: Are you guys flying commercial?
Woman 1: No he has a private jet that we will take.

Wait, what?! A private jet?! That happens in real life?!
I was completely taken aback and just utterly shocked at how casual this conversation was for these two ladies. Private jets are what you hear about in movies, or daydream about when buying a lotto ticket, but never a reality. At least not for me or anyone that I know. Obviously I am aware that people have private jets and get to travel to wherever they please without worrying about tickets being sold out, flights being delayed, or the crying baby that always ends up sitting 2 rows ahead of you. They just take their private jets and are on their merry way to whatever destination they decide on. I just found it fascinating that I was sitting in a room with someone's whose reality is private jets and 2 week long vacations to wherever they desire.

This same lady had in event at her house earlier where she invited a select group of woman to her house to revel an upcoming event. Where exactly was this held may you ask? In her ballroom. Yes, you heard that right, she has a ballroom. I saw pictures to prove it too. Completely adorned in gold and red decorations, super high ceilings, paintings, multiple round tables. Mind blowing.

Now to be clear, all the people in the room were very nice people (& not to mention, all donating their time towards a very great mission!), so I am not trying to make them sound bad or anything of that sort. It was just really shocking. Maybe it doesn't sound so crazy to you, maybe it was an experience that you had to be there for, I'm not sure.
I have experienced culture shock before, but it was usually with the other side of the spectrum. I had never been immersed in a room full of people that probably make more money in a week than my parents do in a month.

Always experiencing something new,

xoxoKaila

Making Plans

I have so much to talk about that I don't even really know where to start! But here it goes...

My brothers graduation party was two weekends ago and my cousin Erin came into town with her two kids (Lex & Ryan). When I studied in California my sophomore year of college I had stayed with Erin for about a month before moving into the dorm since she only lived about an hour away from my school. I was blessed enough to have family in the area that helped me as much as they did, especially since we didn't have much of a relationship prior to this due to having lived across the country from one another our entire lives. Over the year I was there I was able to create a bond with Erin and her family and I am so thankful for all that they have done for me. So, jumping back to my brothers graduation party weekend, I was lucky enough to be able to spend time with Erin and her kids again. I missed them a lot! They came into town on a Wednesday, and by the time I got home from my internship they were already at my house. I walked in the door and Lex runs up to me and gives me a big hug and exclaims "I haven't seen you since you lived in my room!" It made my day, children are the greatest.

So anyway, especially after seeing my cousins again it got me thinking about how I want to move back to California. I have told people over and over again that I plan on moving back but I hadn't made any plans or looked into anything. I had given myself a tentative moving date of sometime next summer. After really giving it some thought I realized that if I give myself a deadline of next summer it will allow me to be lazy and the time will come and go and more than likely I will still be living in suburban Illinois twelve months from now. I decided if I was going to actually be serious about doing this than I needed to get serious about it now and start really contemplating and exploring the different options and opportunities that will be available to me. (& just to note I am secretly an organizational freak that does better with a set itinerary and schedule, so you can only imagine how my nerves have been lately--literally been seconds from tears [okay, and in tears] due to the anxiety from just thinking about it.) I have talked to numerous friends out in California trying to get a feel for what their plans are for this upcoming year, where they will be living, what they will be doing, etc. Of course all my friends are telling me to come out and that I can crash with them and what not, but I know that I need to have a better plan than just whose couch I am going to crash on the night I arrive.

Surprisingly enough me and my brother were driving somewhere together a day or two after I decided I needed to get serious about my decision and he said "Why don't you just take the car?" (We share a car, but he is going off to college without it) I was kind shocked that he said this, so I kind of just looked at him in an wait, what?!...did you really just say that kind of way. He just responded with "I'm going to college, I don't need it, you didn't have it at college." I was still shocked that not only did he say this but he was the one that brought it up and suggested it without me saying anything. After his approval I knew I just (ha) had to get through my parents, and by parents I mean that I was going to talk to my Dad first since he would be easier before approaching my Mom with the topic. I talked to my Dad the next day & in the end he didn't care if I took the car, he just asked me a few questions on what I planned on doing out there. After getting his stamp of approval I was going to hold off for awhile (because I still do have to finish my internship and take the GRE before I can actually get the wheels officially turning), but of course I couldn't contain myself and I brought it up not even two days later. She was going to be my hardest to defeat, and I know she still will be. She told me I could take it if I could pay car insurance and my loan payments and rent, etc. I think she hopes that it just won't ever happen and I will stay living near here for plenty of years to come. & it's not that I don't want to be near her, it's just that I really want to have this experience and I want it to be when i'm young.

I know I still have a long road ahead of me, not to mention the literal 2,000+ miles to travel down the highway, but I am determined (and nervous and scared and anxious and excited and a little bit terrified) to start this journey that I have decided to pursue. I don't have a date in mind, but I do know that I have to take the GRE and apply to grad schools which would probably be easier to do without the chaos of moving cross country simultaneously. All I do know is that I am planning for much earlier than next summer and if all goes well I will be enjoying the smell of the ocean and the warmth of the sun sooner than I had previously dreamt of.

I have a few rules for myself, such as setting time limits for certain things. But how I look at it is- if a month goes by and I am couch surfing and unemployed and worse comes to worst and I have to drive my broke self 2,000 miles back to my parents house, at least I can say I tried, at least i'll have stories, at least i'll have no regrets. 

& i'm pretty sure that is what life is all about, or so i've heard...

Keep Chasing Your Dreams,
xoxo Kaila

P.S. a little dinner time conversation the night before my cousins left---
Me: "Are you going to miss me?"
Lex: 'No."
Me:  :( "...Well fine then."
Lex: "Only because I know you will be at my house in like a week!"

hahaha, I love her.